1556.5 / 34

Took the Pleasant Hill route, which may or may not become a Friday tradition. My hands are not working too well at the mo' - specially my right hand which almost never leaves the grip due to the fact that the rear brake is on that side.

After waking at 3:45a, waited as long as I could stand so I wouldn't be riding in the dark the entire trip, 30 sit-ups, too, besides crunches I (tried to) do last night while watching football (the least I can do, for all the effort the *players* put in, right?). I have "washboard abs" - if you count washboards that have been flattened by a steamroller and then dented into a convex shape...

Left at 6:15 or so, still dark AND (very) foggy, so I didn't see the sun 'till the last five miles.

On Bloomfield, a ghostly grey fox (or small coyote?!) crossed the road ahead of me - not as close as the "Masked Avenger" flying raccoon, but close enough to see in the pea soup and the dark.

I need fog lights! I had a cone'o'cloud directly ahead of me for the first ~10 miles, and had to constantly brake on the downhills (thus losing a lot of time and momentum) because I couldn't see the actual road surface ahead. When a car would pass, i could briefly see farther, but then dark again.

Have I mentioned the smell of apples on Pleasant Hill? Man, I don't even like apples that much, but it's like when you slice into a fresh crisp apple, that smell, as you pass (some of) the orchards... Really a treat!

By the time I hit Petaluma-Valley Ford, I am pretty much drenched from the fog. Didn't wear glasses, which bugs me because I like SOMEthing between my eyes and the occasional errant acorn, but at least I could see - which prevents errant ME from hitting a whole shitload of acorns!

Coming up Pepper Road, finally, rays of light shooting out of holes in the fog and between the trees, like in a religious painting - "holy cows" uncaring in the fields below - but it IS friggin' inspirational! Day 35, FIVE WEEKS, of a hard-fought battle, and what I'm doing right now is part of a direct benefit of my fighting of that battle. This is a big part of why I'm doing it, and a big part of why it's working. Circular logic.

To the showers!

~ 1532 / 33

For those who came late, the first number is the current odometer reading on my bike (mileage since about June 5, 2000), and the second number is the number of days since (huh, Norton Antivirus just opened a second instance and started scanning, sheesh!!) since we quit the Addiction That Dare Not Speak Its Name. Pleased to now be in day 35 of this.

To be fair, I manually started the first instance, and I must have it set to automatically scan at 7am.

Drove to work; still dark when I got here around 6:30. Starbucks' Venti Latte, the addiction that dares to speak...

Looking at a pretty much empty work day today, except for meetings.

Among other things that I've recently gotten from Amazon, the videos from Spike Jones' TV show! These just crack me up. By the time I got to Volume 4, some of the sight gags were old, but there were actual laugh-out-loud parts in every one of 'em. Don't know that they'll wear well, but they certainly got me out of Tuesday's funk. Maybe I should go ahead and get "The Spike Jones Story."

1527.8 / 32

Not gonna bother tracking the times anymore. Some miles are longer than others, and I have an optimum speed that I do (about 13, 14mph), and I'm comfortable. Great sunrise this a.m. Got a couple pictures, undoubtedly post somewhere later. Slightly different route, so minor it's not even worth describing, but it's nice to have one more option. Today the ride was very easy, other than starting out in the dark - I'd really rather not do that. Something not quite right with the overhaul - (new) chain slips a click every now and then, esp. in 3-8 (hardest gear), which is of course not good after sinking another $80 into maintenance I otherwise wouldn't notice.

I will cautiously say that the depression has lifted... Of all the things that might help combat this, Spike Jones and felafel (sp?) seemed to do it for me last night. But also, making myself find something positive, however miniscule and stupid, DID actually help patch up the holes through which large chunks of not-happy were coming.

1511.5 / 31 / na

Two rides off-road: Loma Alta again Sunday and Bolinas Ridge again Monday. Both rides kicked my ass; I went less distance than previous visits in both cases. Still, I suppose every horizontal mile and vertical foot does some good.

Huge ugly depression the past few days. Not gonna get into it here because talking about it tends to = dwelling on it, which tends to make it worse. Head down, shuffle forward...

The positives:

• A full month away from The Addictions Which Dare Not Speak Their Names, and no strong desire to restart either.


• In the same time, lost 7 or 8 pounds.


• Doing situps now when watching football; so sick of this beer belly.


• Haven't been watching football much.


• Money in the bank - a new experience for me.


• Not very hungry=lose yet more weight! Ate one small meal yesterday and almost puked THAT up.

Hey, you get your positives where you can! May think of more, but cling to these for now. When this thing first hit me, I figured it was just one of the dips one can expect when getting clear of a 30-year addiction. It has now gone on for more than three days, and I begin to think maybe I should get in and possibly move on to Thorazine, or at least adjust my existing anti-dep dosage. Spending a great deal of time on Quitnet, which seems to help marginally, if only to make me try to focus on the problems of others instead of my own.

But it pisses me off, because I feel I'm doing EVERYthing right - up through Friday, I felt really great - and yet am still running up the down escalator. Head down, shuffle forward.