1670.6 / ~11 / 69

One of those days where I make myself get out and ride, and am eventually glad that I did it. The seasons here (and there ARE more than two) are very notceable if you simply get outside enough to notice. Not just walking from the house to the car, and not just going out hiking somewhere every few weeks, but really getting out consistently - to the same places if possible - so you see the subtle day-by-day changes: the difference after one, two, three rain storms. The biking helps with that, and more than the exercise value and the getting thin value and the challenge-and-self-esteem value, THAT is what I REALLY like about it.

Climb-first rides are sorta "more better" on these colder days - I get reasonably warmed up before flying downhill in the sharp breeze (today, 31.5 mph coasting down Watertrough Road).

1659.5 / ~14 / 66

Today's bike ride actually almost accidentally included the fearsome Burnside Road hill. Have been doing rides somewhat less than, but similar to, this one since being laid off 11/1. And working out at the gym most weekdays and some weekend days. Not that I'm "buff" or anything, or eve *want* to be - just tired of my flab, as noted below, and pleased with the progress I've managed from just a little of this working out'n'stuff. Have been absent from here because my profile on the QuitNet seemed to receive all of my journalizing for awhile, but now "the Q," like SO many other things, has annoyed me and I have left in ... well, not a HUFF, per se, but perhaps in a SNIT (cf Austin Lounge Lizards' "The Illusion Travels by Stock Car"). So perhaps I'll continue here now.

1600+ / 48

No more job. Still trying to decide if I resigned in the face of layoffs or was laid off outright.

At any rate, we're good for a few months of this before the situation becomes really desperate. I'm riding the bike about 10 miles/day. Also joined the gym and worked out there for the first time today. Really wanna be done with the "hate handles," as with the Addiction That Dare Not Speak Its Name, and this will help with both - and with general sense of well-being during these difficult times...

My new standard bike ride is nothin' to write home about - hence no blogging - but it is enough to keep me in reasonable bike-shape. Need, however, to exercise other parts of my body than my legs!

Holding at 1561 for now / 38

Rain. Good, long, hard, help-you-sleep rain, pattering all night outside the open window, making a nice clean smell inside. I actually slept thru my usual weird 1:30am wake-up. Woke briefly for the usual 3:30 non-event, but ultimately managed to sleep to 5 - latest I've slept in several days!

MUST join gym now. Sit-ups are helping the "abs," but dunno about "love handles" - I don't think there's an exercise that reduces those, other than overall sweating-out stuff. Be that as it may, weighed in today 11 lbs under my weight at the Dr about two months ago - so now a svelte and compact 214. More, I *feel* "muscular." Not Schwarzenegger-muscular, but maybe closer to Linda-Hamilton-muscular (which really is more my ideal anyway), like there's less fat and more muscle on me, like I have actual *strength*. MUST join gym to maintain this through the rainy season.

Have another book to edit. 88 pages. Should get me through today better than yesterday.

Halloween tomorrow: a night that at times carries for me a boatload of "triggers." I spent a few consecutive halloweens going to the exotic-erotic ball, which had already become something less than its original concept by then, but was still pretty fun insofar as it was one night I could dress up in drag and probably not get beaten up. Even at time looked pretty good, and might even have "passed," as they say. Six or seven years ago, went with a girl on whom I had an unrequited crush... Steve, in auburn wig, black lace teddy, leather mini, lime-green fishnets over purple tights, high-heeled ankle-high boots, with assorted chains and leather hanging on here and there - Pat Benatar meets Stephanie Powers. Or something. Wobbling along with a drink in one hand and a cig in the other, flirting with everything that moved and some that didn't.

You know, no regrets, but also no need to revisit. A period in my life that I look back at now with a mixture of "awe," "aw, shucks," and "awful." Be that as it may, H'ween can STILL (obviously) be a night for drinking and all that goes with it. One of those nights where you get the day off in advance NOT really because it's your birthday but because you know you're gonna wake up late, with a need to assess the damage! How nice, to sit home with a bowl of candy, half-hoping no kids show up so we can eat it all...

It's a strange and wonderful new life. I'm slowly getting used to it.

~1561 / 37

Pretty much a five-mile sprint (well, MY version of a sprint, slightly faster and sweatier than my normal speed) Friday to get to the bus. Slight chance of rain today - any excuse to avoid the usual bike ride! WILL join the gym this week.

Pretty good weekend. No biking, but nice hike on Saturday; pure laziness on Sunday.

The Addiction That Dare Not Speak Its Name, and Life, have thrown me a variety of curveballs (AND spitballs, AND sliders, AND...), but it seems like previous battles with TATDNSIN did prepare me somewhat more for this time, and I'm also going through a whole lot of other crap that seems, in a way, to strengthen my resolve. "That which doesn't kill you blah blah blah." Every single moment is an opportunity to succeed or fail, and trite as it seems, one moment at a time wins the hour/day/week/month.

Still, I often want to just curl up in a ball and hibernate through the next three or four months.

Sleep has been weird, of course. I seem to wake each nite at 1:30 and 3:30, before waking and getting up at 4:30 -- the earliest I can stand to allow myself to get up. On weekends, I then fade again at 12 or 12:30 in the afternoon and again around 6. This will pass, but it's freakin' annoying NOW.

Work should be picking up somewhat now. Being busy will help, I think. I dunno. Sometimes I question why I am doing this. I was on a somewhat pleasant path to oblivion with nothing standing in my way and here I have to go on this self-improvement kick -- for what?

Circular logic: I do it so I can continue to do it.

1556.5 / 34

Took the Pleasant Hill route, which may or may not become a Friday tradition. My hands are not working too well at the mo' - specially my right hand which almost never leaves the grip due to the fact that the rear brake is on that side.

After waking at 3:45a, waited as long as I could stand so I wouldn't be riding in the dark the entire trip, 30 sit-ups, too, besides crunches I (tried to) do last night while watching football (the least I can do, for all the effort the *players* put in, right?). I have "washboard abs" - if you count washboards that have been flattened by a steamroller and then dented into a convex shape...

Left at 6:15 or so, still dark AND (very) foggy, so I didn't see the sun 'till the last five miles.

On Bloomfield, a ghostly grey fox (or small coyote?!) crossed the road ahead of me - not as close as the "Masked Avenger" flying raccoon, but close enough to see in the pea soup and the dark.

I need fog lights! I had a cone'o'cloud directly ahead of me for the first ~10 miles, and had to constantly brake on the downhills (thus losing a lot of time and momentum) because I couldn't see the actual road surface ahead. When a car would pass, i could briefly see farther, but then dark again.

Have I mentioned the smell of apples on Pleasant Hill? Man, I don't even like apples that much, but it's like when you slice into a fresh crisp apple, that smell, as you pass (some of) the orchards... Really a treat!

By the time I hit Petaluma-Valley Ford, I am pretty much drenched from the fog. Didn't wear glasses, which bugs me because I like SOMEthing between my eyes and the occasional errant acorn, but at least I could see - which prevents errant ME from hitting a whole shitload of acorns!

Coming up Pepper Road, finally, rays of light shooting out of holes in the fog and between the trees, like in a religious painting - "holy cows" uncaring in the fields below - but it IS friggin' inspirational! Day 35, FIVE WEEKS, of a hard-fought battle, and what I'm doing right now is part of a direct benefit of my fighting of that battle. This is a big part of why I'm doing it, and a big part of why it's working. Circular logic.

To the showers!

~ 1532 / 33

For those who came late, the first number is the current odometer reading on my bike (mileage since about June 5, 2000), and the second number is the number of days since (huh, Norton Antivirus just opened a second instance and started scanning, sheesh!!) since we quit the Addiction That Dare Not Speak Its Name. Pleased to now be in day 35 of this.

To be fair, I manually started the first instance, and I must have it set to automatically scan at 7am.

Drove to work; still dark when I got here around 6:30. Starbucks' Venti Latte, the addiction that dares to speak...

Looking at a pretty much empty work day today, except for meetings.

Among other things that I've recently gotten from Amazon, the videos from Spike Jones' TV show! These just crack me up. By the time I got to Volume 4, some of the sight gags were old, but there were actual laugh-out-loud parts in every one of 'em. Don't know that they'll wear well, but they certainly got me out of Tuesday's funk. Maybe I should go ahead and get "The Spike Jones Story."

1527.8 / 32

Not gonna bother tracking the times anymore. Some miles are longer than others, and I have an optimum speed that I do (about 13, 14mph), and I'm comfortable. Great sunrise this a.m. Got a couple pictures, undoubtedly post somewhere later. Slightly different route, so minor it's not even worth describing, but it's nice to have one more option. Today the ride was very easy, other than starting out in the dark - I'd really rather not do that. Something not quite right with the overhaul - (new) chain slips a click every now and then, esp. in 3-8 (hardest gear), which is of course not good after sinking another $80 into maintenance I otherwise wouldn't notice.

I will cautiously say that the depression has lifted... Of all the things that might help combat this, Spike Jones and felafel (sp?) seemed to do it for me last night. But also, making myself find something positive, however miniscule and stupid, DID actually help patch up the holes through which large chunks of not-happy were coming.

1511.5 / 31 / na

Two rides off-road: Loma Alta again Sunday and Bolinas Ridge again Monday. Both rides kicked my ass; I went less distance than previous visits in both cases. Still, I suppose every horizontal mile and vertical foot does some good.

Huge ugly depression the past few days. Not gonna get into it here because talking about it tends to = dwelling on it, which tends to make it worse. Head down, shuffle forward...

The positives:

• A full month away from The Addictions Which Dare Not Speak Their Names, and no strong desire to restart either.


• In the same time, lost 7 or 8 pounds.


• Doing situps now when watching football; so sick of this beer belly.


• Haven't been watching football much.


• Money in the bank - a new experience for me.


• Not very hungry=lose yet more weight! Ate one small meal yesterday and almost puked THAT up.

Hey, you get your positives where you can! May think of more, but cling to these for now. When this thing first hit me, I figured it was just one of the dips one can expect when getting clear of a 30-year addiction. It has now gone on for more than three days, and I begin to think maybe I should get in and possibly move on to Thorazine, or at least adjust my existing anti-dep dosage. Spending a great deal of time on Quitnet, which seems to help marginally, if only to make me try to focus on the problems of others instead of my own.

But it pisses me off, because I feel I'm doing EVERYthing right - up through Friday, I felt really great - and yet am still running up the down escalator. Head down, shuffle forward.

1500.5 / 27.5 / na

Fair enough, took the bus home. Here's this morning's ride (the "Pleasant Hill" link).

1495.1 / 27 / 120+

Yes, that's at or over 25 miles this morning. That's how sick I am of 116, Roblar, and Stony Point. This 25-mile ride effectively avoided all three, at the cost of 9 more miles and a LOT of big and little hills. But also with the benefit of seeing:
- across the valley to Mt. St. Helena, tule fog clinging to the lowlands, orange sun just breaking the horizon (Pleasant Hill Rd)
- fog and sunlight mixed (Roblar after Canfield)
- An egret standing calmly next to a sheep (Walker Rd)
- wide shoulder or near-zero traffic, pretty much all the way
- Hawks and harriers and kestrels, oh my (all over)

Some of the time, riding my bike is like the times when I was younger, hitching... and I'd just be walking along an empty road someplace, waiting for a car to pass, not caring all that much if I did or didn't get a ride. My thoughts wander all over the place (and I thought I'd have a lot to write this morning), but if you stopped me and asked me what I was thinking during those 2+ hours I couldn't tell you. Hate to get all new-wavy-gravy (and what the f890 *is* up w/that, anyway, "wavy gravy," what a name to give yourself and live with for 40 years; what a maroon!), it's a lot like meditation, I suppose.

It *is* easier to do these explorations in the mornings. There is less wind, it's cooler, etc. I could *never* manage the reverse of this morning's route on one of those hot windy afternoons!

And so I close in on 1500, a LOT quicker than the first 500 or 1000...

(Yesterday evening) 1471.6? / 25.5 / 90+

Man, that wind just kills me. I feel like such a wimp when it slows me down, and I'm all whining and groaning up some hill. It wasn't windy out at like 2:00 and I was thinking I could try a different route where I'd avoid some of the annoying 116; then at 4 it's like 100mph straight in my face and all I want to do is be done with it. I should do my exploring of different routes in the morning, eastbound, when there's no wind or it's at my back.

Have thought for quite a while, seriously, that the more often I do this ride, especially that stretch of Roblar Rd., the more likely I will die or be seriously injured on my bike, most likely from an errant driver. I also need to "cross-train" if I want to be more all-around fit than just having huge leg muscles. I sorta hit a peak two weeks ago by doing 120 miles - I could do more, but for any permanent benefit at that level, I'd have to do it *every* week. And in spite of all this pedalling (about 350 miles in 25 days, avg 15/day, if you're keeping track), my belly is not getting noticeably smaller. And the rainy season will start any day. Plus, there are so few options on this ride, it will get boring. I also hate the fact that I have to commit to 90 minutes/16 miles or ~30 minutes/5 miles -- no in-between -- if I'm gonna ride at all. In a 90-minute span, the weather can change pretty drastically 'round here. Heh, supplemental to yesterday's lists, "Reasons Not to Ride At All"! So, guess I'll be checking out the gym soon.

Feel like, after almost 4 weeks clear of That Thing Which Dare Not Speak Its Name, it *is* getting a bit easier, and things *are* getting back to "normal." I'm able to concentrate somewhat more on my work. My two daily walks have become "necessary," but those two 15-minute breaks merely replace the 8-15 3-minute breaks I used to take in the course of the day.

1455.6 / 25 / 90

We Bad. It was actually just starting to get light in the east when I pulled up to work today.

Reasons to ride to work in the dark:

- less traffic
- lights make you more of a "sore thumb" than in daylight
- vehicle lights allow you to see them coming from behind
- cooler
- no sun in face, or faces of drivers coming up behind you
- can go home earlier

Reasons NOT to ride to work in the dark:

- fog makes it impossible to ride with eye protection
- can't see more than about 60-80 feet
- can't see gratings and other road-colored hazards till you're almost on top of 'em
- can't see around curves
- can't go over about 20mph (with visibility provided by current headlight)
- can't take eyes off road for a second
- tunnel-vision from not taking eyes off road
- dying raccoon flung, rolling, in front of you on the shoulder by passing car that hit it
- skunks and opossums running in front of you under their own power
- worry about lights running out of juice
- warmer
- Starbucks no less crowded

All in all, not really something I'd want to do all the time, but not too bad.

Frigid Bonehead's Diarrhea (2001): Not bad, really, I just like playing with the names (and hey, *they* used "diarrhea" to describe her M.O., not me!). Quite funny at times. Unfortunately, I'd expected it to be more "liberated" somehow - I mean, women I know talked about the book as if it was something new and different, and it's just this poor girl worrying about becoming a spinster and doing Mr. Wrong while waiting for Mr. Right - a plot as old as the hills, and not very P.C., either. Renee Zellweger is always charming with her funny half-shut eyes and tacky zebra-print underwear, but there's nothing earth-shaking here, just a light romantic comedy. "Whippy" plays himself, a Certifiably Annoying Twit. I'd probably have liked this more - or avoided it all together - if I hadn't been expecting more.

1439.9? / 24 / ~90

Pretty sure that was my mileage when I pulled in last night, but I thought did just the standard 16.4 mile ride...

Windier than usual, and the ride seemed longer, but actually it was about the same as usual. Finding that I can power up hills better - which stands to reason, I suppose, after the steeper hills of recent off-road rides. Roblar in particular is a stretch I never look forward to, but it really wasn't that bad once I'd done it. Thing is, I might start out in the highest gear, and then as the climb starts I reluctantly downshift one or two notches, and then the wind hits me full on and I'm a couple MORE notches down - it just kills all momentum, physical and mental. I do find now that I'm not quite as totally beat on that last stretch through Sebastopol and home.

A few bad moments with the Addiction Which Dare Not Speak Its Name, but nothing bad enough to make me start again. I get uncomfortable in my own skin, feeling very intensely that something is missing - and I take a walk, or eat or drink something, or whatever. I know the actual missing thing will not help. Even when I was using it regularly, one was never enough. Often required two or three in a row just to feel sated with it - for 15 or 20 minutes, anyway. What's missing was missing before I ever started THAT stupid thing, and that's what I'm dealing with now. I cannot stress enough how much the riding and walking has helped. I feel like I've made a complete 180 from self-destructive, apathetic, depressed to health-conscious, intensely emotional, and seeing a future. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't honestly see any difference, but I see it in other people seeming to notice me, when previously I SO effectively managed to fade into the background that I did so pretty much all the time without even thinking about it, and generally thought of myself as invisible. Now I have a "presence" that is very new - I've actually had it before, in "manic" moments and when I was on anti-depressants before... So it's probably partly the Wellbutrin - but I think it's mostly the exercise. At the same time, as is well-known, I am generally more edgy than usual, affected more by things, more likely to be emotional and more willing to "get into it" when I am...

No ride today, though. Will take film in from Saturday's hike and do other car-required stuff. Brought in a fresh towel - nice, the "little" things! Tomorrow, a day-long meeting in that other city, but if I can get up early enough I'll ride in here and pool with someone else down there.

Man, last night's Cowbores and Deadskins football game was one of the dullest in MNF history, probably. Buddy and I slept through the fourth quarter.

DSL down this morning - I can count the times this happened with cable on one hand, but it's already happened several times with DSL - very disruptive to my routine of checking news, forwarding the daily cocktail, etc., and I have to head out (albeit early for a change) "empty-handed."

1422.9 / 23 / na

Started a page of links to our various hikes and bikes. On the way out today, saw the bus sitting there, and it was too good to pass up, so I rode it to SSU, biking the mere five miles to work from there.

There are some severely challenged people riding those busses, including those who are generally acknowledged as having "challenges," and those who have perhaps slipped through the institutional cracks, so to speak. I suppose I should be kind, and open-minded, and tolerant, but y'know, for the most part they *do* give me the willies, and I really hate having some guy grunting, moaning, and drooling in the seat right behind me, and not knowing what he's gonna do next. Meanwhile, he's "conversing" with another ward-of-the-state across the aisle, in a very repetitive, barely sensible conversation which focuses mainly on the fact that he has given the other fellow a red lighter and the other fellow can have a light now for his three (3) cigarettes, and he gets two checks, one at the workshop and one at home in the mail which the mailman brings, and he has given the other fellow a red lighter... And I'm thinking, if this is where smoking gets you, maybe I should quit or something.

Petaluma Hill Road is boring, with heavy traffic and a bit of a headwind, but has mostly wide shoulders and is blessedly short from SSU to Penngrove.

1417.6 / 22 / na

Biked most of yesterday's hike - not as hard as I thought it would be, and fun. Brought plenty of water this time, but was out in the sun for a much shorter period, so didn't need as much.

Did figure out that we probably would have had to turn back if we'd tried to do the loop. Also figured out, I think, that we didn't actually do "Drake's Head," which is on *top* of the bluff, whereas we went down one of the valleys. I didn't go all the way out to the "Head," figuring we'll do it together sometime.

1410.4 / 20.5 / ~100

What the hell, eh? Take the longest and worst route home, 14 miles up Stony Point to the bike path and 5 more miles on that. Stony Point just completely totally sucks, riding into the wind, with constant traffic. Plus it's like 90 degrees out. Still, MUST GET THOSE MILES, esp after being a pig all day with chocolate et al., fighting off the Craving Whose Name Will Not Be Mentioned, But Which Perhaps Has Lessened Somewhat, Lo, These Three Weeks.

I was getting bored with the standard route, especially that part of Roblar with the narrow shoulder. Now I appreciate it more again...

1410.4 / 20.5 / ~100

What the hell, eh? Take the longest and worst route home, 14 miles up Stony Point to the bike path and 5 more miles on that. Stony Point just completely totally sucks, riding into the wind, with constant traffic. Plus it's like 90 degrees out. Still, MUST GET THOSE MILES, esp after being a pig all day with chocolate et al., fighting off the Craving Whose Name Will Not Be Mentioned, But Which Perhaps Has Lessened Somewhat, Lo, These Three Weeks.

I was getting bored with the standard route, especially that part of Roblar with the narrow shoulder. Now I appreciate it more again...

1391.0 / 20 / na

Another uneventful ride, just getting here. 70 miles so far this week without actually trying for mileage.

Don't Say a Word (2001): "Don't Pay a Dime" to see this movie. Wait for it on TV, if you bother to see it at all.

Actually it started out pretty good, but then fell back on formula. Michael Douglas, who really runs hot and cold (but made $20M for "A Perfect Murder" and must've made at least 10 for this!), sucks pretty bad in this movie as a perpetually concerned father and wundershrink who has to get info from crazy girl Elizabeth Burrows (played very well by Brittany Murphy, who I'm surprised to find I've apparently seen in not-as-memorable roles). Douglas' "wife" (apparently mostly there for T&A value, yet never delivering T *or* A) and "daughter" (god-awful sickly-sweet, preciously-"bright" kid of whom I've already seen too much) are just plain annoying from start to finish, as is the "tough twenty-something female detective with a chip on her shoulder" who does exactly what you expect her to do scene by scene (is there just one person writing this crap-ola, or do they have to learn it when they enter the LA metro area - as if the state-line inspection stations checked not only for fruit, but for originality and ability to develop characters?). Oliver Platt, however, is -- as usual -- a bright spot.

Was thinking, wouldn't it be cool to have a Rules Wizard for real-life personal interaction just like in email, such that I could deflect everything Joe McCarty says into a convenient wastebasket, and put other people's stuff, by subject text, into convenient folders I could visit later?

Sigh.

1375.1 / 19 / na

No exercise today, but for my one-mile walk. Will ride to work tomorrow. Day 20 of freedom from the Addiction that Dare Not Speak Its Name. Supposedly, it gets easier...

Surfing Blogger all morning, recently-updated blogs. Amazing how many high school kids are on this - I suppose that shouldn't be amazing - where else but a free site? Lots of news-link sites. Ha, "that band Anthrax sure is getting a lot of publicity lately."

The irony of Rush Limbaugh's deafness is not escaping many, is it.

There's a point where you just want to throw up your hands and say "whatever." Everyone's got an opinion about this situation; everyone knows precisely what should be done in the Middle East. And I'm really tired of hearing opinions broadcast as fact. They may quote (or annoyingly, link to) hundreds of news sites to support their opinions, but you can find a news writer to back any opinion you like.

Editing this ... thing ... and it's SO poorly written, it's just sad. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and much of it is learned behavior, but it is such a chore to edit this kind of stuff. Have already almost filled two sides of a page with "Global" edits, like:

replace "prior to" w/ "before."

replace "The xx page allows you to..." w/ "Use the xx page to..."

replace "The following table lists the items that appear on the xx page." w/ "The following items appear on the xx page."

replace "...transaction within <the product>" w/ "<product> transaction"

But I still hate to go past these things page by page (200+ pages) without marking them in some way to make sure they get fixed. I've had this thing on my desk for a week now - usually I have no trouble editing 200 pages in a day.

1375.1 / 18 / na

Bolinas Ridge *rocks*! Managed to get about five miles up the road before tiring and turning around. Then, pretty much five uninterrupted miles of pure downhill fun. Brought the camera; there'll be pictures later.

It's worth all the work of making myself ride to work, forcing myself to take that extra-long route or that extra-steep hill, to get to where I can do these off-road runs without too much pain. Big, big fun!

(Oh, oops, I'm sick today. <kaff, kaff!>)

~1365 / 17 / na

Rode home with Toby to watch MNF, and confirm earlier assessments that riding is a solitary pleasure. Most of the time, one or the other is a quarter-mile ahead. Very seldom can you ride side-by-side and talk. Toby tends to push harder uphill, and then go slower downhill, so that I'm straining to keep up on the uphill, and then losing all momentum hitting the brakes if I'm behind him on the downhill. I never stand up on the pedals to get up a hill - I'm not gonna kill myself trying to get up a hill; am content to be sitting down the whole time. I normally stop more often, drink water, enjoy the scenery a bit. It just wasn't pleasant. From last entry, yes, there are trade-offs, but I probably won't bother with this one again.

Red-tail on the wire along 116. Wonder if the hawks are coming back - still don't have a handle on their migration patterns, as some stay and some seem to go...

1349.1 / 16 / 93 min.

A little extra mileage, perhaps, over Orchard Station Rd - actually, even with the big hill, it seems like less (perhaps because of going quite fast on the other side). Though not 80mph.

I think I detect an ever-so-slight lessening of belly. Yesterday only ate McDonald's lunch and lean pocket dinner - probably still a zillion calories, but less than what I might usually do on a Sunday.

Weatherman so far says all clear all week. Toby riding with me after work, I think, to watch what is likely to be a virtually meaningless and unexciting football game (Rams vs. Lions). The more I think about it, the more I sorta regret inviting him. Much of bike riding, for me, is a solitary pleasure - much of tonight's ride, in fact, will by necessity be single-file, and then I have to match his speed. Be it faster or slower than MY speed, it's a pain in the ass either way. Oh well. You don't want to go thru life friendless, and sometimes there are trade-offs.

So, now I'm carrying another half-pound of crap, but am better prepared to keep it rolling.

Didn't try for any speed records today; it's really annoying how, even with my newly-buff legs, I get a lot of muscle pain starting out in the morning. Like my legs are going to resist getting in shape every step of the way. But once I get going, not too bad. I get *very* winded on a couple of the hills, but again, a relatively short stop at the top and I'm good to go onward.

Will NOT ride tomorrow. No I won't. I've earned a day off, I guess.

~1334 / 15 / na

Well, after 115 miles on the week, couldn't go through the weekend without at least a *short* ride today to keep the gains made so far.

While the beer gut still remains, I can feel almost no fat and a lot of "new" muscle on my legs. As if to prove it...

Loma Alta!

This was only about 5 miles round trip, but it was off-road, and - as you see at bottom - up some pretty significant climbs. Just when I was starting to think I don't really need that #1 gear on the front, I find a use for it. I actually only walked the bike twice, for about 50 feet each time. (At the point where I turned around, the road gets *really* steep, topping out at one of the highest peaks in Marin County.)

And the downhill reward! I'm still a little iffy on the reliability of the brakes in dirt, but did let go a few times for a some rather intense-but-pleasant momentum rolls... Fun!

Also got a quick lesson from "the bike guy" on repairing a flat on the road, so I won't get stuck again (unless I get two flats at once). From now on, I'll carry an extra tube and my new tire pump.

1327.1 / 13.5 / na

So, 115 miles on the week. I sure didn't get much work done.

1321.5 / 13 / ??

At precisely 1311.7, there on the wire beside Blank Road was a red-shouldered hawk, head feathers all fluffed up as if to say, "you can have a big head - you rode 100 miles this week!"

Mapped (links to large JPG) and profiled (links to small GIF) my new standard route this morning. The elevation seems less than I expected, but 460 feet is nothing to sneeze at, I suppose.

Right wrist a little sore - I try to remember not to rest my weight on the handlebars too much, but tend to do so anyway - at any rate, I overrode my goal this week by 10%, so likely won't be doing the full ride home tonight (and will end up with 115 miles from four days' riding).

It feels good, and the ride was relatively easy to do today. Though I took my time about it.

Early reports of 25-pound weight loss *might've* been exaggerated (but maybe not) - I actually feel lighter, even though I don't perceive any difference in the way I look - still have disgusting, too-large belly, and will need to do something other than biking to really have any effect on THAT.

T is also riding to work. Even though it's "only" a two-mile round trip, it *is* consistent exercise, and I applaud you, T, my faithful and only reader... <g>

Thus we leave road rash for this week (maybe I'll post that last five miles tonite, but...)

1305.1 / 12.5 / 85 mins.

Same route as the morning, and surprise! same time. Will pass 100 miles at about 1311.7, if I remember correctly - maybe I will treat myself to a bus ride home tomorrow.

Really kinda forced myself to make the whole trip this evening, in spite of significant weariness and possible rain, so that it wouldn't be a stretch to make 100 tomorrow. 100 miles is a *fucking* long ride on a bicycle, really, and it'll probably be a while before I attempt it in a 5-day week again.

Two different hawks, both red-tails, that I've seen now a few days running in the same places. They seem to be nonplussed by this wheeled being that passes beneath their wires/phone poles... Along the ride, cattle, sheep, llamas, and on yesterday's side-trip, emus... Not to mention the odd "sleeping" skunk/possum/raccoon in the road...

1288.7 / 12 days / 85 mins.

Slightly different route (actually, my standard homeward route, backwards), eliminates a couple of miles of hwy 116, at the cost of an additional hill or two.

Surprised that this was only 16.3 miles, actually, since the Hessel Road part I did this morning more or less "squares" the diagonal of 116... maybe I didn't get last night's mileage correct.

At any rate, have now done about 78 miles from Monday thru today. Probably will not do the whole ride home tonite, 5 miles to the bus stop is plenty'nuff.

Late yesterday, some wally scheduled a 9:15am meeting for today, so I sat theu an hour-long meeting with sweat cooling on me, and am just now getting around to getting ready to take a shower. There have been days when I was going to lunch by now...

1272.4 / 11.5 days / didn't time it.

It's windy even at 2 in the afternoon - maybe it's alway windy westbound.

As the mileage would indicate, I took another "shortcut" today, on a street that didn't have a "Not a Through Street" sign but deadended anyway. Added almost 3 miles to the trip home. But I wasn't in a big hurry, and now I know about Volkaart Road, so no big deal. Remembered that we pay monthly rent to live here; nothing going on at work anyway, so opted to get home and deal with the bank and realtor.

After today's 35 miles, no worries about hitting 100 by end of day Friday...

1253.9 / 11 days / 76 minutes garage to desk (let's start tracking this, too)

Foggy and misty. Glasses get all sparkly and pretty soon you can't see the road two feet ahead. Have to stop, try to wipe off glasses, proceed. On a longish downhill, you don't want to stop, so you push it a bit... finally, just pushed the glasses down on my nose so I could see with naked eyeballs.

Actually feels LESS dangerous, in the fog, than in the dark or daylight.

$80 later, bike is tuned up, with new tube and a new taillight that's significantly brighter than the old one. And I still have the old one - it fell off in the garage, and I though it had fallen off while the bike was on the rack on the car yesterday... So now we have an extra taillight, and $20 less than we would've had if we'd known the old taillight was still around...

Again had the pleasure of passing another cyclist - I'm NOT the slowest one in the world! I was stopped at the light at Mecham/Stony Point, he rode through just as the light changed. I stayed back for a while, thinking he was going to get up to speed and leave me behind, but he seemed to reach cruising speed while I was still only in 3-5 or so.

By the way, I never use the #1 front gear anymore, and actually only get out of #3 two or three times during the ride. The lowest I go is maybe 2-2, on the biggest hill (Blank road).

Weird how some times I feel quite healthy and "up," and others not - no decipherable reason. Even though it was less painful than it's been in a long time, starting out on the bike this morning, I feel really blah. Whereas on Monday, I was on top of the world, though it WAS quite painful pedalling those first few miles (not to mention the Blank Road hill). I don't know what governs this; wish I did so I could stay home in bed when it's not working to my advantage...

Have ridden 42 miles this week, including Monday's riding and walking - if I ride all the way home today, easily on track for 100 miles (barring further pneumatic "incidents").

"Zoolander" (2001) at the theatre last night. Good clean sillly stupid fun, and I think we needed a laugh like that. Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson really pretty funny as rival male models, and Milla Jovovich surprisingly not eastern-european-seeming as seemingly-American-imitating-eastern-european villainess Katinka. Stiller always cracks me up; he has absolutely the perfect mug for the kind of sad-sack comedy he does. As one Alternetter says, could be the next Austin Powers (though not as many catch-phrases; more like "catch-looks").

Have no idea what I'm doing here all day, but brought "Have a Nice Decade: the 70s Pop Culture box," which arrived in the mail yesterday. So, can listen to (some of) that...

1237.3, and 10 days.

Just when you start getting going...

Had thought to take a slightly-longer route, and sure enough, five miles out of town yesterday on Pepper Road, flat fucking tire. I count the four miles of walking the bike as legitimate mileage towards my vague, yet ever-nearer cycling goals. Will attempt today to get the tire fixed and get a tune-up, such that I can ride tomorrow, thursday, and friday. I need, at the least, a tire repair kit; at best, puncture-proof tires -- in fact, I'm just gonna go ahead and look into the GreenTyres. I have already spent, in a little over a year, almost the price of those tires in fixing and/or trying to avoid flats on this bike. The damned star-thistles are exverywhere, and when it's not those it's some stupid little nail or something. Without the liner, and the green goo, I'd probably be averaging one flat per month. Even with these preventive measures, it's about one every three months. One saving grace w/this bike, with the double-sidewall tires I can at least coast the downhills with a flat, keeping my weight as much as possible on the good tire, without damaging the tube (I think). Yeah, gonna get the greentyres.

Weird bigger-than-usual craving when I got in the car this morning - can expect to have these from time to time for the next 20 years, probably - you just hang on tight and it passes.

Stupid drivers who stay in the left lane through Sebastopol until the last minute, then cut in rudely when the lane ends - they KNOW the lane's gonna end; they get all of two or three vehicles ahead, and are still ultimately stuck behind SOMEone on the slow-moving 116, and so they end up with the people they cut off, still fuming, right behind them for ten miles. You risked an accident, possible injury, for this? You morons! Makes me grit my teeth, and I try to mellow out and forget about it, but there they are in front of me for ten miles, and when we get to the legitimate passing lane, there they are in the left lane passing oh so slowly... I must try to avoid this passive-aggressive behavior, though.

Overall, feel good. I feel like I AM losing weight, ounce by ounce, slow but sure, and in a healthy,. positive, way. Still don't know what I'll do when the rainy season starts, but will think of something.

1227.2, and 9 days.

Nothing major, and the ride is pretty routine now, even after a weekend of mostly inactivity. Snake parts everywhere. Red Tail on a telepost along Roblar didn't bother to move as I went by.

We did get about 5.5 miles in at the Coast Trail on Saturday. Last week's hike, as it turns out, was much longer and with much more total altitude gain/loss (see elevation profile at bottom) than originally estimated.

Warm this weekend and this morning. I didn't get started till well after sunrise - almost 8:00, actually - is way too easy to dawdle at the computer in the morning (and to be fair, I did update some of my Born Today index pages - timelines and alphas.

I'm thinking maybe I'll try to ride every day this week and get an honest 100 miles, but we'll see as the week wears on, eh? Today, might make the entire ride home instead of "wimping out" at the five-mile bus stop point. It's nice to get a lot of miles on Monday, and if I slack off later in the week I don't feel so bad. I'm SO sick of being like 25-30 lbs. overweight; I don't like myself this way, and it's something I think I can change with relative ease (non-drinking, actually, will probably take care of most of it), if I just apply myself to this regular exercise. Gotta come up with something, though, for the rain...

The addiction-which-dare-not-mention-its-name has not reared its ugly head *quite* as much over the weekend as during last week. I don't feel like the various bandaids are contributing that much (not as much as I've felt they contributed in past attempts [which didn't stick anyway...]), but I also feel it doesn't matter -- breaking down, giving in, fucking up, are simply not options this time. It feels SO good to be free of it, even partially free as we are now. This will work, and we will be clear of this hurdle for good. Still, have been grouchy as hell, and could literally end up killing someone if allowed to drive much.

Okay then; to the shower!

1200.0 precisely, and 6 days.

Am proud of the amount of riding I've done in the past few weeks - two hundred miles, most of it in the two weeks since 9/17. If I can keep this up, I may actually lose weight in the coming months. Hope the rainy season doesn't start too soon.

Not much of a ride today really, but had to take the car in for what never seems allowed to be simple & cheap. Tie-rod ends, allegedly, are worn down, and unfixable via lube = $175 (and wouldn't you know, Dave has just gotten a fresh supply of tie-rod ends! I think this is my last visit to Dave's - I always get the feeling they're laughing with glee as soon as I leave). And I still will need to get the front end aligned after that.

To jam or not to jam tonite? Since my music partner doesn't smoke or drink, it's probably okay. But since I had another weird semi-sleep last night, I probably won't be exactly rarin' to rock'n'roll.

Weird, conversations again with old "classmates." Some I look forward to, and hope to keep running; others I can take or leave - it's just as good to do the email equivalent of nodding as you pass, just acknowledging remembrance.

But contacting the Tholens - that's pretty special. Haven't seen any one of them for 30 years - and have looked. Jennifer is the only one I've "spoken" to so far, though she is trying to contact others. These people were my local "crowd" in formative years - age 6-13. Though formative, that's only 1/7th of my life to date, and it's a very old 7th. And trying to address Jenny in any meaningful fashion, having been absent from each other's lives for 30 years, me basically writing to the 12-yr-old I last saw (and reverting somewhat to the 13-yr-old I was when I last saw her) but knowing she has had an entire life - all the mistakes and correct moves one makes in that time: being sent to boarding school, three kids, husband died three years ago, having moved up & down the eastern seaboard, finding her natural parents, losing her adoptive parents, now selling real estate in MD... Trying to reconcile these two poles of *her* life to date. And I really want a friendship there, opportunity to give/receive something of value - this is the closest I'll get to any meaningful contact with my "roots" - so I'm walking a tightrope in some ways, making a new friend out of an old friend. She sent a picture yesterday - I hadn't asked for one - a great help in bringing it all into the present. Her middle daughter looks about like the Jenny I picture - Jenny herself looks completely different. Of course, I have web pages with a jillion pictures from all angles, of me, my wife, my cat, my life. She only logs on at work, so can't write much, so I tend to feel like I'm *pushing* to make things happen, and perhaps overwhelming her, because of course I can sit for hours writing (even at work, like now!), and I write "gushingly," almost at the speed of talking, where she isn't necessarily that kind of writer and may be nonplussed by this whole thing once the initial glow of remembrance wears. And maybe that's as it should be with these things, I don't know. (I guess this all begs the question; this *isn't* a gender thing, and there was never any sexual/relationship-type thing with Jenny; she was younger and sister-like through those years. I was taken in by this family, after schooldays, when nobody was home at my house till 5 or 6.)

I realize that I regret not having stayed in touch with Jimmy AND Jenny - and I realize I'll be going thru much the same stuff with Jim if and when I hear from him. Wonder if he still eats those awful "peanutbutter tunafish catsup and mayonnaise" sandwiches he used to like, now that he makes $100k/yr loaning money to corporations.

I suppose the glaze is already somewhat off the doughnut. I was really preoccupied with "what do I expect from this/what do they expect?" earlier. Now it's sort of settled and I'm accepting what happens.

I have always looked for them over the past 30 years, but had never thought much about what we'd have to say to each other when I found them!

Maybe THIS will cure me of that delving-into-the-past -- I can't think of anyone farther back.

BTW: MUCH more offensive to me than Maher - who does not pretend to be serious - is the "Buddy Lee" commercial on TV showing the stupid little mascot-doll with a bandage on its arm as if it has given blood. This strikes me as wildly inappropriate for a company attempting to make money from their television advertising.

Maher's individual comments did not carry the kind of crassly comercial subtext that a TV ad carries by its very nature.

1190.2 and 4 days.

Tried a different route this morning, actually hitting part of my old 3.5-mile route. Instead of going thru Cotati on Old Redwood Hwy, went down Stony Point to Jewett, over Center Road, to Rainsville and back to Stony Point. (That south end of Stony Point has a lot of traffic and almost no shoulder, so I avoid it.)

Sunny morning. I should leave earlier to avoid direct sun in my face (and in the faces of drivers who don't always notice they're sharing the road with me), but it's nice to have that crisp and clear weather. Still sweating like a pig when I finish my ride to work or home (or even the five miles to the bus stop) - thus Toby 's comments, which aren't at all meant to be mean, but "Hello, sweaty stinky old man" is NOT what I want to hear -- and though I sweat a lot, at this point there's not a lot of impurity in it, and honestly, I don't think I stink, not even of "sweat." When I put the shirt back on in the afternoon, it's a little stiff from salt but doesn't smell of anything. Doesn't bug me THAT much, but given my current state, he could get his head ripped off one day.

Unable to sleep normal hours lately - spending time awake from 11:30 or 12:00 to 2:00 or so, updating "Born Today" pages (never can resist a chance to plug it!), and then falling asleep on the futon with the TV on. Oh well; whatever it takes to get through the next few weeks/months/years...

Need to have discipline in my life; like to structure my days. Trying to ride the bike Mon/Wed/Fri is part of that, as it is part of trying to improve lung power, get in shape, maintain a sane weight, save wear&tear on the car, save gas, and expend personal energy.

Both local mom'n'pops have "failed" me in terms of daily latte service. Now I go to Starbuck's, and though almost everything about them annoys me, they can reliably make the same latte every time - even at 5am, if I should ever get in that early - without blasting their stupid family-values opinions at me.

Speaking of which, How 'bout the backlash to Bill Maher's comments! People are getting WAY too sensitive behind this thing. Don't people understand (rhetorical question) that the function of a good, not to say GREAT, comic - as of any good entertainer (and this includes "infotainers" like columnists and talking heads) - is to push the envelope, to push our buttons and see which produce a ringing sound? Especially a comic whose TV show is called "Politically Incorrect"!! Maher has always pushed those buttons. People desperately need to get a sense of humor. And a sense of perspective. Truth be told, he's right, to some extent: it does take a certain courage to fly an airliner directly into a building. These people were NOT cowards in that sense - they were highly-committed individuals, believers in their religion. (So sue me!) However, there are cowards behind them.

~1173.0.

Made it almost to the bus stop after work before plit. plit. plit, then plitplitplitplit and I'm getting soaked. Major thunder and lightning off to the west - cool when you don't get to see it much (and when there's like 20, 30 seconds between lightning and thunder so you know it's pretty far away).

Called T from the payphone with genuine downpour soaking everything in my wallet while I located her card.

Then, power goes out at the gas station, and for the traffic lights nearby, so everything gets really messy.

Still, got my 21 bike miles yesterday.

Raging raw nerves. Took a longish walk around the block, which helped - actually helped more than M&Ms or tic-tacs. Onward!

Supposed to be good weather for the rest of the week. Hope so; hope to get another 50 miles by friday evening!

1168.6.

Actually starting to feel the benefit (after feeling the detriment Saturday) of all this exercise, and not only got to work a *teeny* bit quicker, but was able to keep up a relatively strong pace through the entire 16 miles (except for the major hills) this morning. Also "sprinted" (for me anything over 20mph) the last mile or so to work. Toby, seeing me newly-arrived, said I looked "ruined." If I could somehow get it down to an hour - e.g. averaging 16mph - that would be pretty cool. As it is, I average between 11 and 12 mph, I guess...

Not much new seen on today's ride, but for dead deer and garbage bag along the shoulder of 116 that I saw from the car yesterday so was already watching to avoid. But the ride definitely felt more doable than it has (and more so than I had been imagining during my bike hiatus).

Saturday, 10-mile hike seemed to take out my right leg, but it was okay sunday and today - just a little muscle soreness (which one can generally expect after a 10-mile hike that includes at least 1000 ft of altitude changes, if one hasn't been doing such hikes regularly). Really, Lake Ranch and Ridge trails are very nice, and I'll do 'em again -- slower -- someday.

Not gonna talk right now about the item that is newly missing from my life (though just noticed I mentioned it earlier anyway, so...). Maybe later. Feeling it quite acutely, but will prevail this time, dammit. Underestimated, somewhat, the amount of habituality I've developed at work over a year and a half...

The bus-in-the-afternoon plan seems to work pretty well, though I'm still not sure what happens if the bus arrives with two bikes already on it. The stop is located such that I'm looking at 15 more miles if the bus is full. Well, there are always pay phones nearby, and hell, if I keep up the pace I've done the past two weeks, another 15 won't be a big deal.

1146.9!!

Riding the 16 miles to work (and 16 back) was starting to seem impossible. A few things made me start again:
- being a total wimp on a couple of recent hikes.
- planning to quit smoking.
- dependency on oil from the middle east.

So, while it took less than a year to get to 1000 miles, it took another four months to get the next hundred (and only two days' riding to get fifty more).

Sunday, took the bike up to Armstrong Woods, rode all the rideable roads, and then attempted the road up to Bullfrog Pond. This is an extremely steep, winding road. I made it about a mile (and about 600 ft elevation, I think) before turning around.

Monday, I rode to work and back, getting slightly lost on the way back, for a total of 34 miles. Decided I will ride all the way IN to work in the morning when it's not windy, and do the partial-bus ride home in the afternoon when it's windy, for around 22 miles - a respectable distance to ride every couple of days or so, hopefully enough to get and keep me in a little better shape. The wind is SO friggin annoying! Kills any momentum I get -- and 225-lb pack-a-day me, I need all the momentum I can get!

This morning, started out in the dark at 6am, and paid and paid for the 9.1 beers I drank last night while pedalling the 16.1 miles to work. But actually made it in what I think is record time - just a little over an hour. Actually haven't had a real strong urge to drink, but have sorta felt I "should" since I won't be drinking for awhile after tomorrow night. Stupid? Perhaps, but I only get two more days' worth of stupid.

Light mist dots my glasses, forcing periodic stops to wipe lenses... It's actually more likely cars will see me when it's dark, I think, with my blinking taillight more contrasting against darkness than against light... Red-shouldered hawk crossed my path (about twenty feet in front of me) on Old Redwood, swooping up onto the top of a phone pole with some little morsel I couldn't quite make out - mouse or lizard, likely. A treat.

DSL connection - finally - appears to be more or less permanent on my home machine. Was able to surf and email and FTP to heart's content last night.

The Caveman's Valentine (2001): Stunning visuals and a great performance by Samuel L. Jackson manage to override a weak plot.

There are multiple levels in human interaction:
- There's the literal face value of words that one communicates.
- There are cues such as body language.
- There is a near-psychic undercurrent that comes between the lines.
- There is an undercurrrent that you imagine, and you know you're imagining it.
- There are levels that you imagine, and you think it's real.

People who can communicate effectively on all of the first three levels tend to do very well in life, and people who don't, don't.

"Crazies" like Jackson's character in this movie may deal ONLY on the third level and up, and are thus unable to cope successfully in communication with others. Those who are grounded in the "reality" of the first and second levels are only getting part of the story. You know, when someone says something to you that's completely innocuous, but you feel a completely different undercurrent? I often feel that I'm missing half of what's being communicated in certain interactions, because I get the first-level stuff, and some of the second and third levels, but fail to interpret and respond to it quickly enough to communicate effectively there.

It seems like these levels of communication almost contain a definition of the range between "sanity" and "insanity."

Discuss amongst yourselves...

No miles, but another five getting home last week...

Monkey Bone (2001): An entertaining movie, even though the actor-who-acts-like-he's-acting stars. Great visual effects, a lot of fun action, and here and there an amusing Hollywood self-referential gag. Wait for Chris Kattan's turn as Fraser returning to life in the body of a dead olympic athlete chased by doctors who want to harvest his organs. Meanwhile, Bridget Fonda is typecast as a sleep-researcher/eminently-forgettable weepy girlfriend, schlepping through another one.

12-hour day yesterday, expecting much of the same all week. Kinda fun, in a masochistic way.

1068.1.

Managed to make myself bike-and-bus it today, after more than a month off from biking. It's a short ride, but it's a ride. I think my rear tire is flat--at least it's low, but with the double-wall tire, it's barely noticeable. There are a couple of route options besides Sonoma State, in getting to a bus stop. I can ride up Stony Point and over on 116 to Redwood Way, which actually seems maybe the best option. Might try it tomorrow or Friday (and time the ride to work from there so I know when to leave in the afternoon).

Still holding a job, for now.

Lots of movies.

Drinking has sorta seeped back into our lives, especially around the July 4 stuff. I woke Sunday after a many-beers Saturday, thinking, "I haven't felt THIS bad since..."

Uh, that would be "Wednesday."

Oh well. Restarting the regular bike rides will help my mood a lot, I think. I've really missed it, and feeling my slim physique going horribly flabby inch by inch, pound by pound... I'm probably more tan this year than I've ever been (except maybe summers with Grandma by the lake age 10 or so). So at least I *look* like I get out a lot.

Panic (2000): This is almost exactly the point where Dark Humor turns to simply Dark.

Dude, Where's My Car (2000): Dude, where's my audience? Stupid, stupid, stupid. It had some funny moments, but christ, it was really stupid. I know, this was not a film that was gonna premiere at Cannes or anything - it's geared for adolescents, but even for a ten-year-old (who would theoretically be too young for this PG-13 movie), this one would be hard to watch. Did I mention how stupid it was?

I still have a job for now, and probably at least for another month - if this product is successful, I might even last through the release and for an indefinite amount of time afterward, but the worrying is almost worse than unemployment. More farewell emails from Marketing people yesterday. It's very difficult to manage any kind of enthusiasm for productivity, but as usual in a situation like this, one must try to maintain pride in one's work even while the walls aare crumbling around one.

Have suspected for some time that this would happen, but had placed it a few months further down the road.

The "Anthracite" FIMO is very cool. Takes quite a bit of working (and hand-warmth, I think) to get it non-crumbly, but the black with silver glitter makes everything you do look good.

State and Main (2000) movie within a movie... ensemble cast... morality play... Kinda fun.

My company has laid off a large number of people, and I am pretty much convinced that this entire 'satellite' office will eventually be discontinued. Though the original 10+-year-old company here produced the only products that are providing revenue for the two-year-old parent company, and everyone I've dealt with (and many with whom others here have dealt) has betrayed a certain predictable amateurism, by that very token, they won't be smart and keep the smart people. Logically, I might have several months before I get laid off. But logic hasn't been a highlight of the emanations from the parent office. I fully expect to be laid off any day now, and it's really tough to do anything productive under that expectation. Truth be told, if the job market was the same as LAST June, I may have already been outta here. Just searched techs.com for the 707 area code and "writer" in the description, and no matches are found.

Within my own department, this office has been more productive, more reasonable in disputes, more efficient, and more innovative than our counterparts in the other city. This is true also of the group in the third city -- all of whom were laid off last week. We've done a certain number of stupid things just to allow the parent group to contribute.

Be that as it may, I have created some nice things with FIMO clay this week at my desk. :-)

We have a post-mortem meeting now to discuss what could be improved and what should be repeated "next time." The irony in this is not lost on me.

Haven't been here in a while!

"Thank you for your patience," said the Frod representative after I blew up (well, more than I usually blow up - I got really sarcastic) about waiting eight weeks for their "silent rebate" check and finding it hadn't even been started because they got *copies* not originals, of the receipt for repairs, and didn't bother to let me know.

This came on the amazingly frustrating coattails of dealings with Pacific Bell and SBC for DSL service at home, which ultimately ended with me cancelling the order and thus remaining with no internet connection. And dealing with the other office at work again (and continuously) and their whimsical changes to the template that's been out there for review for more than three months.

The thing is, it wasn't my patience that got things done. I've always been patient, and crap like this NEVER gets done.

Haven't ridden the bike to work in almost a month. To be fair, there's been a lot going on - the reception went very well, all family members got in and out okay, and the County put on its best for that weekend for visiting Ohioans, Washingtonians, Coloradans, etc. 50-hour work-week last week.

Recently, a gradual lapse back into weekend drinking, and the first weeknight drinking since before xmas. Mixed feelings. I really like it while it's happening; afterward not so great. But it DOES add to music appreciation, to the point where, when I don't drink, I rarely listen to any of the 1200+ CDs in the house, and I'm kind of at a loss for anything to do. And drinking on a Friday night seems to provide enough recuperation time before work Sunday or Monday.

"Space Cowboys" and "Cast Away" last night. Not much to say about either, but neither was as bad as I'd expected/been led to believe. Figure "Cowboys" as a vanity romp for Clint Eastwood - he gets to play with NASA toys, maybe, in the course of presenting a forgettable but somewhat entertaining story. "Cast Away," similarly, gives Tom Hanks a vanity part in a film we can presume is underwritten by FedEx, where his most prominent co-star is a volleyball - pretty easy to look good with THAT kind of competition! Seriously, while not entirely believable, it kept me awake, and I generally liked the way things developed - it could have taken certain predictable "uplifting" turns and didn't. It made me think how I would fare, physically and mentally, if stranded on a tiny deserted island. Guess that's worth something.

Thoughts from this morning:

As a smoker/bike-muter, I'm kind of like a talking dog. It's not that I do anything particularly amazing, but that I do it at all. When I quit smoking, I'll be just another bike-rider I guess.

The difference between doing something well and true excellence is a matter of inches and seconds.

I'm really fried after:
(a) once again dealing with this guy from the other office (who has prepared a minimalistic style guide, done very little with it since, and keeps emailing it to all writers -- though we have an existing style guide that's about 100 pages and very complete); and
(b) my presentation (which went okay but would've been a lot better if we'd had access to current code).

The wind is already picking up. In spite of this, the ride home should be nice. It's sunny out, and I'm a little ahead (for now) of the vehicular commute.

1038.5.

Nice day, already a clear sky at 5:30 am. So I managed to get going early and get to work before 8:00. Very pleasant ride - never felt like I was straining to get over a hill or around the next bend. People pass me, but y'know, they don't smoke a pack a day, thus I am able to excel and "be the best" in my own mind.

It's Bike to Work day. Little "refreshment" stations are set up around the county, where volunteers give away drinks and Odwalla bars, a small reflecting/blinking light, some sample sunblock, and advertising for camelbak hydration devices. As expected, more cyclists than usual on the road, and more of them apparently unused to riding. A guy passed me without making a sound (thus risking both of our skins); another guy stopped at the refreshment station and promptly fell off his bike. Yeah, that dismount IS tricky....

My little sister arrived yesterday for this weekend's wedding reception/party. It's nice to see her, and to have some one-on-one (or two-on-one) quality time with her before others arrive. It's tough for me having these events where I have to meet'n'greet many people at once -- I'd always rather have "deep" time with one person than "shallow" time with many. Anyway, another sister (and her family) arriving sometime today, and mom and final sister (and family) arriving Friday. I have the day off Friday, and feel I really need it. It will be about a $2000 day, buying beverage stuff (incl. keg of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale) and later, dinner for 22. (I'm happy to spend this money, just always worry about the odd problem that will make it not go smoothly - really should just get a credit card one of these days.) (I also expect to have a LOT of leftover beer and wine and other stuff, but will not be disappointed at all if we don't.)

Flat Tire.

Man, I hate that. I want puncture-proof tires. I don't even want to learn how to fix a flat by the side of the road (actually, HAVE learned how, but don't want to do it), and I don't want to carry half an extra bike in my pack to do repairs either.

The flat was just the topper to a really poor day yesterday. The writers from the other city are tactless and inconsiderate, and they don't listen. Further, they're now trying to order me around. These kids have maybe five years of experience between them. Anyway, I spent WAY too much time being pissed off about that yesterday. Take a deep breath, let 'em stew in their own juices.

By coincidence, two Helen Hunt movies last night: What Women Want and Pay It Forward.

I am not qualified to discuss What Women Want - can't imagine that none of it would be offensive to women, any less than "What Men Want" would find ways to offend me. It was fluff; entertaining enough I guess, and certainly started with an interesting premise. For a movie directed and cowritten by women, there were no big insights here. Helen Hunt annoys me. six stars.

Play It Forward shows Hunt transformed, really, and I like her a lot in this movie. Haley Joel Osment does not see dead people, but does tend to see quite a bit more than I would expect a 14-year-old to see. E.g., when he knows when to give up on the addict. I was disappointed at the end, which seemed to me formulaic and manipulative. Anyway, ho hum, Kevin Spacey is great. seven stars.

1022.2.

Dead gopher snakes, some quite large. Must be mating season for them.

Passed a cop at the school on Roblar; he appeared to be waiting for speeders. Seldom do I feel any appreciation for this, but y'know, his presence makes the cars slow down a bit on that hill-and-curve. On the other hand, he also probably makes the drivers watch their rearview instead of the road ahead as they go into that curve...

Straight down Smoggy Point today - a little hairy on that last part, where the shoulder is like six inches, but not as bad as I expected. It's slightly downhill, which means I can be in top gear and get through it quickly. Bike to Work Day thursday - I can enter to win a trip to Tuscany. Root for me, man! Maybe I can trade it for cash!

Bit of fluff last night: Miss Congeniality. A Sandra Bullock vehicle, in which she is almost watchable. She does have a certain talent for the pratfall, but as an actor, she's found a character and always seems to plays that same slightly goofy "ugly duckling," with the hesitant delivery. Gets on my nerves a bit, but not so much in this movie. Call it fluff and give it five stars. Call it anything else, and start putting the stars back in their container...

1001.7.

Whoo-hoo! Now you will stop hearing about me being this or that number of miles short of 1000. Next, it'll be 1500 - and I hope to make the second 1000 significantly faster than 11 months.

Takes a lot of effort to ride again after being away from it for even a short time. But the actual ride was relaively easy, and I even sprinted quite a bit of the last few miles in the highest gear.

My new backpack has a built-in water thingie, whereby I can easily drink while riding (rather than stopping or slowing to grab a water-bottle from its little cage, pulling open the nozzle thing, drinking, closing the nozzle thing, and returning the bottle to its cage...). This Kelty pack was free, for test-driving a Nissan XTerra. It's narrower than the other pack, but has more compartments, and little mesh caches all over the outside. Seems to work pretty well.

To the showers. More later.

Still 15 short of 1000...

Married now, and back from another glorious week in the desert. Write-up for the vacation will eventually appear over there somewhere --->.

Weird how it can take days to get into expando-o vacation mode, but only a matter of minutes to fall out of it and back into compress-o work mode...

Ugh. Very windy and overcast; just don't see myself riding 17 miles in it tonight. And there's plenty of other things to do with those two hours this evening.

Must eventually get a routine going where I'm riding regularly - but not necessarily 33 miles a day. Think it's gonna be riding to work in the morning and taking the bus home.

We're doing cool things here - hoping it pays off...

985.4.

Foggy all the way, such that I had to stop every couple of miles (or at tops of hills, whichever came first) to wipe off my glasses so I could see clearly.

Opposite of yesterday - really DIDN'T feel much like riding, but made myself do it, knowing today is last chance to ride before vacation.

Again, plenty of work to do, and no particularly penetrating insights from me today anyway. Maybe more later.

In Two Days, I'll be below sea level.

No miles today.

Would like to have ridden today, but had trouble getting to sleep last night and then of course had trouble waking up in the morning. Will ride tomorrow and probably hit 1000.

Watched Cutthroat Island (1995) last night, pretty enjoyable for what it was.

Little Nicky (2000) later; slept through most of it. This could have been great. It wasn't, particularly, though perhaps a cut above Adam Sandler's other movies. Those Saturday Night Live people, it's like a weird curse incurred by Chevy Chase in the late 70s. They can be funny as hell, innovative, enjoyable to watch in hundreds of 5-minute skits, but put 'em in a 90-minute movie and they just can't hold it up. Exceptions: Bill Murray, "Groundhog Day"... Probably others, but I'm already bored with the topic.

Plenty of work to do today, and it seems like pretty good progress, getting things to a known state for VACATION IN DEATH VALLEY, ONLY THREE DAYS AWAY NOW!! Man, I can't wait, it feels like a million years since I've been to the desert.

Worked thru lunch... fading...

969.2.

Railroad Ave and Smoggy Point are really windy in the afternoon. Not unpleasant, if I take my time, but it tends to sap the energy, and even on the little downhills, remove all momentum from the equation. Orchard Station Road is a mother. From Roblar to a little past the star (on the linked map) is a ~140' elevation gain. Surprising myself, I topped it without going all the way down to the 1-1 gear. I think I went to 1-4, though. The downhill on the other side is bumpy, with an abrupt 90-degree left bend at the bottom, so I didn't get to accumulate much momentum there either. However, there's always the sense of accomplishment, the CV exercise, the ounce of weight loss, etc. And I take perverse pleasure in the hardship of the ride. I don't HAVE to do Orchard, but once I saw it, knew I must try it at least once.

Two guys on road bikes passed me during yesterday's ride. They should get real bikes. So often these "cycloids" (as I call 'em - like "android" part bicycle, part humanoid) don't even mumble a hello, or raise a (non-middle) finger in acknowledgement. Maybe they're just preoccupied with their fitness regime, but it comes across as snobbery. Mountain bikers generally acknowledge. I wave and/or say hi, anyway. When you get hit by a car and tumbled into a ditch, man, *I* am the only passer-by likely to spot you bleeding down there in the weeds and muck. So, in a very literal sense, it wouldn't kill you to make some sort of greeting a part of your daily riding routine.

1000 Looms Large. Another day like yesterday should get me there, just short of 11 months. (As I've been blogging since before 500, note that the first 500 took about eight months, the second only three). I imagine if I keep this up, I'll get the next thousand much more quickly.

The best man thing... Kept thinking of the TMBG song "Your Racist Friend" yesterday. He works in the building trades where homophobia (and misogyny, and racism) generally do run pretty high. He probably hasn't met more than three or four people in his life who he even knew were gay (in fact, one friend of mine that he met, I don't think John ever knew he was gay). Also, he's never struck me as a person who's willing to experiment sexually. And I believe this is where the "hatred" (if such it really was) comes in. He was especially disgusted by the idea of anal sex, which I guess I understand, but really, it's all environment, education, and experience. So I can justify it to myself in that way. You can't confer experience on a person. My experience of gay people is that they're often smarter than average, usually good-humored and witty, and NEVER, in my experience, overly pushy if they happened to be attracted to me. There was a tinge of that wierd mistake among homophobics, that gay men automatically would WANT to have sex with him because he's male.

About the term "homophobic" (a term with which another blogger took issue a while back...): of course these big manly guys don't actually *fear* homosexuals - but they fear the homosexual in themselves, in any degree. Much of the sad effect of homophobia comes from these guys frantically affirming "I'm not gay" ...

952.6.

It's only when I DON'T ride for a few days that my legs seem to get sore. More stretching than usual this morning, trying to get that lower-back thing straightened out. New gloves are nice, but a little tight, causing a tiny bit of pinky-numbness. Extra taillight on the backpack makes me feel a little more secure. One cycloid passed me on 116, but I kept in sight at least for a couple of miles. Other than that, a very leisurely ride in this morning. Crisp and clear, other than on those traffic-heavy parts of 116, Smoggy Point, Redwood Highway. Wish I could avoid that, but it's not really possible, and I am avoiding as much as I can by the routes I take.

Bike all tuned up; good for another 300, one hopes. REALLY want to get the flat-proof tires.

Drinking large on Friday night, leaving me hung-over and enthused-under for bachelor party (which, really, c'mon, I'm over 40, so no wild debauch is necessary or even desirable!). Got to see some guys I hadn't seen in a while, did a little bit of music (including the 30-minute D-chord that kept threatening to turn into "Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida"...), ate a TON of really good sushi, drank two or three real beers among several N/A beers, and was pretty much done by 8 or 9. Hope my best man felt like he got his money's worth...

A really sort of odd thing came out towards the end there, where he (the best man) noted that even though he knew it was "politically incorrect" and all, he "hates fags." I've known him... what? 20 years or more? ...and I'm sure this topic has come up before, but I always thought he was relatively "tolerant" and at least logical about it. I was stunned for a moment, and then just changed the subject after a silence of some 30 seconds - what are you gonna do? (I'd already noted that I don't have any problem with gay people of any stripe, and though I've indeed been propositioned etc. in my lifetime, it has never been persistent or annoying - actually flattering, to tell the truth.) I don't think you can really change a person's mind once they're over 40. I've never understood that hatred that some people seem to have, but have also never been particularly close to someone who had such a hatred. I was just really, completely, utterly stunned by this announcement out of the blue. Have to think about it more, I guess.

Five days now to Death Valley! Hoping to get three rides this week and get past 1000 miles. Perhaps I can get my spandex license soon.

We've been mostly non-drinkers lately - since before Christmas we've drank on maybe 6 or 7 occasions at most, and those always on weekend nights.

It's been something of a challenge - though I'm pretty sure by now that I'm not an alcoholic, I *do* like my beer, and its effects (up till the next morning anyway), very much, and I miss it.

Between that, no smoking indoors, no cable TV, no computer access, new place, and keeping the cats inside, life is very different at the Miller homestead lately. There are benefits and rewards, but they appear rather slowly -- had lunch with friends last Friday, and they were the first people to say I've lost weight, and that was really (really!) inordinately gratifying to me. Terrie never thinks I'm overweight. I know I am overweight.

Christ, I rode my bike 60 miles last week and over 50 so far this week, and of course have been getting that steady exercise for almost a year, and till now have had no visible sign that anything is different from the days of drinking 9 beers every other night, not exercising at all, smoking two packs a day, eating fast food frequently, and (perhaps most insidious) living with the daily prospect of being Larry Morrow's right-hand man at SBT.

I've not been happy with my body for almost ten years now; thru my first 35 years or so, I was skinny, and always thought of obesity as a sign of laziness, ill-health, maladjustment, and then there came a day when I looked in the mirror and was recognizably FAT myself! Irregular spates of exercise, at times, have started to work, but I never kept at it. Biking is obviously not the best thing for reducing the belly (non-drinking definitely is, though!), but slowly but surely, the cumulative effect is working.

Now I face a bachelor party and the prospect of drinking (tomorrow) with mixed feelings. I've looked forward to having (many) beers on this day, and probably will...

Took the bike in for tune-up yesterday; it's raining anyway. But I miss my morning ride and the feeling of accomplishment in getting another 15 miles behind me... I'll get it back Sunday, and hope to ride most days next week (and pass 1000 miles), preparatory to VACATION in the DESERT and GETTING MARRIED!

There's a new kind of handlebar post I'm going to try; it allows for an angular adjustment, giving up to two inches of additional height.

I drove some of the backroads on the way home last night. Orchard Station Road is pretty cool; it turns back on itself among some pretty impressive hills (the map doesn't really do it justice). Maybe I'll try it on a weekend.

Donuts; the place where I get my morning latte sells them, and there's always a fat person coming in and buying bunches, carefully selecting the custard- and jelly-filled, and/or old-fashioned, chocolate, sprinkles, glazed, and whatnot. There was a time (1973 or 4, I guess, when I had quit high school and moved to live with friends in Michigan), when I lived just down the street from a donut shop, and I'd count my pennies and go there first thing in the morning to get freshly-made donut holes (2 cents each!). Still warm from the oven, they were delicious to me at the time - among my favorite "foods" - now the smell almost makes me puke sometimes. I can't think of much of anything else for which my taste has changed so radically. I suppose it's a good thing - I don't NEED to be eating donuts!

Python (2000): Sometimes you think you "want to see a bad movie," but you may find that what you REALLY want is to see a GOOD bad movie. The tendency to show off and overdo it when panning a truly crappy can of film like this is well-documented; I will avoid that here, like I should have avoided this movie. But then I note in the IMDB reviews that some moron calls it "V. tongue-in-cheek, (with cheesy FX and hammy acting.)" I didn't get that sense from it at all. Cheesy effects, yes; hammy acting, yes; tongue in cheek? The actors in this movie that I've seen in other (also cheesy) movies have ALWAYS been hammy. Casper van Dien? Puh-LEEZ!! William Zabka? Leaves a trail of bacon all the way back to Karate Kid! Sean Whalen as the deputy in this stinker is the only one whose hamminess bore any trace of his tongue being anywhere near his (upper) cheek... One star (out of ten) for unintentional humor, killing Van Dien early, and educational value -- what NOT to do in a movie.

Okay, here's another old-fogey thing that you always hear.

In my lifetime, I've witnessed an information revolution that has profoundly changed the quality of (north american and western european) life.

When I was a kid, we got maybe five TV stations reliably, and we had radio and records. And books.

Now, we still have all that, AND we can potentially get hundreds of TV channels clear as a bell, or we can go to a nearby store and choose from among thousands of VHS and DVD recordings. We have CDs, tapes, minidiscs, MP3s (all of which have contributed to a revolution in re-releases of stuff that was rare on LPs).

Potentially, at a moment's notice, you can develop an interest in Dwight David Eisenhower, find a huge amount of biographical info on the web, and see and hear him speaking though he's been dead for 30 years. You can see and hear Dori Seda (if you can find "Gap-Toothed Women"). You can view the Marx Brothers' home movies, see interviews with their grown-up children, see George Fenneman talking about Groucho behind the scenes on the "You Bet Your Life" game show. You can take in a full live performance by Jimi Hendrix as if it was happening now and you were sitting on the edge of the stage. And you can do it all within an hour of deciding you want to.

Why this came to mind? We watched the documentary "Satchmo" last night, and I recalled hearing that he had died in 1971, and knowing almost nothing about him. How extraordinarily fortunate we are, to be able to see him in action on a videotape now! To be able to stop and rewind to see part of it again. To feel, in a very real way, that we *know* Pops now, almost as if we had met him -- and better, maybe, than some of his biggest fans during his heyday ever got a chance to know him...

Further, we can record our own lives in ways that simply weren't available a generation ago. When I was a kid, my stepdad had a super-8 movie camera - revolutionary in its time (and the source of much of the "home-movie" material you see in these documentaries) - and he could film us, take the film in, and get a movie back in a week or so. Now, I can film something and view it immediately afterwards on my TV. As a musician, I can record myself playing several instruments at once through the magic of digital overdubbing, burn it on a CD, and write and print the liner notes in color, producing a product that's virtually indistinguisable from what you buy in a store, all in a matter of a couple of hours.

It is nothing short of miraculous, the information that's available to us today via all sorts of media.

And kids these days, they just take it all for granted, don't they. :-)

0.0.

Rain last night; left the bike here and got a ride home. Rain forecasted for the rest of the week, I think. Still, got some fifty miles from riding Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday, so doing okay.

Old guy (1) at the coffee place this morning, to some other guy (2): "How many senses do you have in your brain?"
Guy 2: "Well, I think there's at least five..."
Guy 1: "Senses like taste and smell."
Guy 2: "And there's the sixth sense, like perception..."
Guy 1: "You got it... there's a seventh sense too."
Guy 2: (More hemming and hawing, not all that interested in this conversation with a stranger.)
Guy 1: "There's COMMON sense. And there's an eighth sense, too."
Guy 2: "I don't know what that one is."
Guy 1: "HORSE sense."
Guy 2: "Well, not everybody has that sense."
Guy 1: "You know what horse sense is?"
Guy 2: ...
Guy 1: "It's knowing stuff about horses."
Me: "Horses have the sense to not gamble on humans."
Guy 1: "I used to have a horse. I really respected that horse. And there's the (something sounding like 'remora')... (trying to drag me into his enthralling conversation...), I bet THIS guy knows what it is."
Me: (Leaving as quickly as possible) "See you guys."

I imagine he'd have gotten eventually to the "Sense of HUMOR," as perhaps the ninth or tenth sense... But counting common sense and horse sense as two separate things is a bit questionable (because horse sense, in typical usage, is NOT 'knowing about horses'). And really, counting either as a SENSE, parallel to sight, hearing, touch, is a stretch. But this is what makes up small talk for the old guys who don't have much to do, and who sit at the coffee shop in the morning, trying to engage strangers in conversation.

The subtext is that Guy 1 is a wise and witty and interesting man, and whether or not his listener is hanging on every word, his words are worth hanging on, though the thoughts behind them have been expressed better a thousand times...

What other senses can we think of? A sense of futility, perhaps... A sense of shame.

Maybe another sense is the lack of sensation, where things just have no effect at all.

I feel a tremendous sense of sadness when I see these old men who've spent a lifetime working toward this kind of retirement, and I hope they are finding some sense of fulfillment in those moments at the coffee shop...

936.0.

The new overland route is similar in profile to my old 3.6-mile ride (other than being more than 4 times longer, and actually pretty much entirely different). Fairly long, fairly flat stretch down a main road, turn off onto side road with hill-dip-hill, then back onto main road with minor hills. It's a nice pleasant ride, and safer than the shorter (by 2 miles) option and shorter (by 6 miles) than the safer option. The hills are good; they break up the monotony, and the downhills give me a chance to stand (on the pedals) and/or rest a bit from constant pedaling.

And it's getting warmer. I switched gloves and removed the "topless hat" ear-warmer thing halfway, and came in coated with salt from sweating and cooling.

I need to do more stretching. Knot in my shoulder/neck won't quite go away.

O Brother Where Art Thou (2000): Great movie, and easily the best Coen Brothers film since Raising Arizona. George Clooney is the anti-Cage, going from action hero to comedic brilliance. Extra bonus, it was showing at the matinee price ($4.50) at "our" theatre. Wish I'd read the Odyssey before watching this so I'd know how closely it follows. The faces these guys make, especially the "Delmar" character (Tim Blake Nelson)!

A group of about ten teenagers came in and sat in front of us right before the movie started, and I thought, "oh boy, there's the end of us getting to hear the movie," but I was pleasantly surprised to find them quieter than the couple to our left (who had brought a full-length denim coat, apparently only for the purpose of saving seats in the middle of the row ["denim seat-saver by Laura Ashley"] such that there was this coat laying across the seats with no attending humans right up to the beginning of the movie, and then there was a folded coat thrown haphazardly into the empty seat next to me throughout the movie, and while sorely tempted, I did NOT dump any pepsi or butter-flavored popcorn onto it). The kids were well-behaved. My first thought when they filed in was, "why don't they go out and do drugs like *I* did when *I* was their age?" And then I thought of yesterday's blog, and thus suspended my intolerance...

919.8.

Like the Donner Party and Death Valley expeditions, I found another overland route (but only from Petaluma to Sebastopol, and I didn't eat anyone).

Roblar Road, home of the world-apathetic Washoe House (home of the Questionable Buffalo) cuts west over to Petersen Road, which cuts north to Blank Road and 116 - coming out just west of the treacherous hill with no shoulders.

While Roblar is almost more dangerous than 116, it has the benefit of less traffic. And Petersen gives me a nice good-sized hill with a great view from the top - something I got routinely on my old 4- and 6-mile rides, but that's been oddly missing from these 14- to 20-mile routes.

This route is approximately 16 miles, making yesterday a 35-mile day. Perhaps from the past two weeks' exercise, perhaps from that last five miles I didn't have to do, this was MUCH easier than the 40-mile day last Tuesday.

Gap-Toothed Women (1988): Les Blank's documentary, I've been wanting to see for ages, for one reason only: Dori Seda. The video store in Sebastopol is awesome for stuff like this. While the rest of the movie seemed interesting, I was impatient and fast-forwarded to see, for the first time, Dori - a person I know well from her comic art - living and breathing and speaking. She died at 37, shortly after this film was made, but I treasure the small amount of work that's available, and it was a HUGE treat to see her and hear her speak for the first time. Her drawing style is exquisite, her writing style confessional but always humorous. Be warned, the comics are mostly "Adults Only."

At the video store, something like Sonic Youth "Death Valley '69" was playing - fuzz-heavy, two or three repetitive chords, strangled feedbacky lead guitar - and a new-agey couple was looking at new releases near me. She (irritated): "This music is driving me crazy!" He (sarcastic): "What music?" I think they actually went up and complained, because the music stopped and was replaced by something from the Beatles Anthologies.

People: if you were supposed to learn one thing from your youth and subsequent "growing up," it MIGHT be that "your taste" is not necessarily synonymous with "taste" in general. When you were a kid listening to whatever you listened to, and your parents said "THAT's not music," did you never vow to yourself that you wouldn't be that way when you grew older? Did you not think to yourself, "I'll be more understanding"? Here is one of those golden opportunities where (per Will Durant), "History teaches us that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say."

Maybe that little incident sums up, to some extent, my dislike for new-ageyness. Many new-agers are as intolerant (in the opposite direction) as any 'sudden-baptist' racist slob from the 60s. It's not whether they're right or wrong, it's that they're so unshakeably CERTAIN of their rightness (real or not), in every little thing, and so ready to condemn what's outside of their little bubbles. Even if the entire inside of your bubble is sweetness and light and milk and honey, it's unhealthy, incestuous, suffocating, and limiting to stay inside that bubble and condemn all that is non-bubble-icious. What started in the 60s as a lovely and sincere commitment to open-mindedness has mutated into a variety of the same closed-mindedness against which they once rebelled. Now, their minds are closed against anything that's outside of their mutated definition of "open-mindedness" !

And while I'm quoting, how about this:

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
- Lord Bertrand Russell (05/18/1872 – 02/02/1970); Welsh philosopher

>Sigh.<